Silly Bandz! And No, I'm Not Talking About the Monkees

Written by PushingUpRoses on May 2nd, 2010

Well, well, well. It seems I have stumbled upon another money ploy, this one targeted quite blatantly at kids. Except that kids have no money to be spending on such products, so parents: be on the look out.

Ladies and gentlemen…behold! I bestow upon you….

SILLY BANDZ!!!!!!

I especially like that obviously photoshopped filtered picture in the second row. I can tell the photographer was going for the more gritty look.

So, I have to be honest with you guys. I have absolutely no idea what these things are used for. When I first saw the website, I figured they were maybe some kind of hair band thingies. Apparently not, even though one could probably get the most use out of using it for pony tail purposes.

Basically, these things are rubber bands.  Well, not even basically.  These things ARE rubber bands.

….But these not just any rubber bands, people!!!   These rubber bands come in all shapes and colors! Like….orange toucans! And black baseball plates! And…this thing!!!:


I personally think it is a tap dancing dinosaur. But then quickly released how silly of a thought that was. Obviously Dinosaurs are much bigger than that.

You guys know how I am though.  I am miss “give everything a chance” and never one to chose sides when it comes to a debate.  So I took it upon myself, after doing extensive research on the matter, to write out some ridiculously awesome things you can do with Silly Bandz.  Here goes:

Things to do with Silly Bandz:

  • Use them as stylin’ hair ties.
  • Link them together to make a long chain…thing. People still find that fun, right?
  • Cock ring?
  • When you are driving, blast some music, and make them dance out your window a little bit.  People will think you are the bees knees.
  • Pretend they are pets you could never have in real life.  I’ve always wanted a pet hippo made completely out of rubber.
  • Glue them to your friends bathroom floor.  Then have a great laugh at them when they can’t pick them up!!!! What chumps!!!!!!

….Actually, none of these things are really good.  I tried really hard you guys, I tried to find really good uses for these things, but there aren’t any!! These things are stupid, pointless, and a waste of bandwidth on the internet.  Why would you ever want to buy rubber bands in the shapes of animals or people or letters or ANYTHING OTHER THAN A CIRCLE.

And what the heck is this thing supposed to be?!?!  It looks like Barney the Dinosaur, only without legs and two nubs for arms.

I found this picture under the “sea creatures” category, and seriously…if there is a sea creature that looks like THIS in the ocean, then count me out from ever going swimming ever again.  Look people, I’m already pretty daunted by shrimp (bugs of the sea), I don’t need Silly Bandz to nourish my aversions to strange sea critters.

I mean, come on.  If you’re going to make rubber bands into specific shapes, at least make them look like the shape you want them to be.  At least put this guy in the “Barney the Dinosaur” category.  Might as well have one, they have a category for pretty much everything else.


Conclusion?

Silly Bandz, you disappoint me.  Until you start making rubber bands in the shape of Daryl Hall,  I will continue to be uninspired by your efforts to woo me with Barney the Dinosaur Sea Critters and umbrellas and…ugh…butterflies.

  • LotusPrince

    I think that the circled band is a penguin. Either way, wow, these things look poor. 😛

  • viktor13036

    It is like the yellow wrist bands for Lance Armstrong. I can support it but I'm not going to spend two bucks on a piece of plastic made with ten cents worth of material.

  • Biscuit

    Tom and I come to the conclusion that someone needs to bring back slap bracelets. Those were much cooler than glow-in-the-dark, shaped, rubber bands. Also, I'll let you know what I really think when Tom gets here Friday with my silly bandz! He's picking me some up from his work (who has decided to sell these silly things). Haha!

  • pushinguproses

    I REFUSE to believe that's a penguin!!!!

  • Onppa

    I cracked up at “Cock ring?” XD

  • Maxameeleon

    You are adorable when you rant.

  • Samza

    The image of making those things dance out my window while driving cracks me up. I cannot stop laughing at that.

  • neoscriptor

    I concur, those slap bracelets were awesome! They could at least 'transform' somewhat.

  • Samza

    Hahaha, NOICE. And I also liked those slap bracelets. Much easier to smack people with!

  • pushinguproses

    This thread is becoming violent. = O

  • Biscuit

    A penguin does not belong in those creatures.

  • http://scarlettopia.com Scarlett

    Fuck YEAH, snap bracelets! I remember when those were banned in my middle school because they were all “dangerous” and stuff. Yeah, I hate it when people get “snapped” to death.

  • thatdoucheandrew

    I agree that the pink thing is suppose to be a penguin. There is nothing else it could be.

  • Cookiemonster

    “I’ve always wanted a pet hippo made completely out of rubber.”

    You too huh?

  • catk1ns

    I think as an avid gamer, the next thing you review should be the following;

    http://www.gunnars.com

    Ya know, for keeping your eyes in good shape.. during all of the computer hours.

  • TheSettingSun

    it is a penguin and it does belong with those creatures

  • Katie Dearing

    If you think about, the main reason why all the kids are wearing them is because everyone else is wearing them. Once your kid sees everyone at school wearing these silly bands, they're gonna wanna buy them.

  • pushinguproses

    Yep. Agreed with that completely. Though, this doesn't make them absolutely stupid. :)

  • pushinguproses

    …..Amazing! I think I shall. Might even buy a pair.

  • winter

    it is a paiguin i i know people hew have it it says on the bag

  • winter

    i am 11 i will give u the real reson we love sil,ly bandz well they r cool to us 4 example there good 4 hair peaces fun to make dance hit people with and trade and those hew think there stupid yall r being stupid they give u something to do during class so dont be a hater

  • pushinguproses

    Best troll ever!!! Hahahaha.

  • rebecca

    i am so happy i was the first person to have them at my school now whole school has em i mean every grade i got them from my cousin in north Carolina i mean that was the 1st state to have silly bands

  • Smileygurl1053

    i wish they had Justin Bieber silly bandz!!

  • Lovexpinkk11

    You must have way too much time on your hands and hate the world to be this mad over these things.

  • pushinguproses

    You must be utterly stupid to think I was seriously angry. Sounds like you are the one who hates the world, seeing as though you can't recognize some fun and are judging someones personal blog. Hope you get better! =P

  • Weaver

    Roses we all know you are being completely serious and hate Silly Bandz more than you hate Justin Bieber

  • pushinguproses

    So serious. ;]

  • Designhobo

    Silly Bandz != The world.

  • LotusPrince

    Never type again. Thanks.

  • LotusPrince

    Never type again. Thanks.

  • LotusPrince

    Yeah, Pushing Up Roses hates everything, and this is yet another one of her virulent rants.

    Oh, wait, you're an idiot.

  • batlashes

    They still do snap bracelets, you can even get them for free if you're a kiddliwink and are doing a walk to school scheme.

  • http://twitter.com/ctk86 Justin Caynon

    I don't know if you have heard this but aren't these the same things that girls were wearing to advertise what sexual things they could be trusted to do?

  • AlonzoDaCookie

    those things suck

    and its a penguin

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Samuel-Bloom/1234574026 Samuel Bloom

    It's a penguin.

  • Nafets920

    The only thing that terrifies me more than silly bands, is the the fact that I found a Nintendo DS game of Silly Bands.

  • Quoth the Raven

    Whille Silly Bandz are ridiciulous don’t underestimate the power of the Goofy Bandz! Actually their name escapes me, but they’re silly bandz only gummy and delicious, and conveniently located on your arm when you are hungry! Avoid rain and showers while wearing them though.