I have a secret.
Well, it’s not actually a secret. It’s more of a fantasy. Ever since I was a little girl…I’ve always wanted to be…
(insert really really long awkward pause, and a cymbal crash)
A detective.
….What!?!? Don’t you ridicule, now! Everyone has fantasies about being someone else, after all. Some people want to be famous athletes, some people want to be actors and actresses, some people want to be a transvestite…it’s all good! *I* have always wanted to be a detective.
Let’s waste no time here: ever wonder what happened to decent lyrics? I am a huge, huge music nerd, and a crucial element for me in any music, is lyrical content. Censored, uncensored, whatever – as long as it strikes a chord with me. These days nothing seems to strike a chord, and I strain to find lyrics that are halfway decent, let alone make any sense. Artists can get away with spewing just about anything these days as long as it has a rockin’ beat and gives people something to agitate to. And my god, they do. Lyrics have become so absurd these days, that I was inspired to waste more of my precious time in dedicating a random list of the most moronic lyrics ever spouted by man.
So, you may remember a couple posts ago in an article far far away, me talking about presents for your geek girl. It wasn’t meant to be anything earth shattering, just a light hearted little post about geeky things that I liked on a more personal level, and wanted to share. You may have also remembered “the rack trap.” Well! The inventor of the rack trap over at theracktrap.com (Don’t google “rack trap”…you will discover naughty things, trust me), was nice enough to send me a free rack trap! Here she is!:
Ah yes, I have attained the valentines day edition! +500XP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ….Anyways.
I’ve noticed a couple things about this product- it is TINY, very very slender so it can fit inside your bra well without make you look like one boob is stuffed and the other isn’t, AND it’s kind of silky, so it shouldn’t itch. Though I cannot speak for everyone with the itching issue, I just know I am not allergic to the material.
And now, let’s see it in action! I was excited.
The Rack Trap in action
Right, so here we have it. Now, I can’t show you anything more revealing than this, unfortunately. But this gives you a sense of how big it is and how it fits in your bra.
Well, it’s kind of cute. And I am not one to just fall into cutesy girly merchandise, however it does make a good product for holding extra cash, and I can say I feel safer holding this money in my cleavage as opposed to walking around with a purse. I guess my reasoning here is that a mugger probably will not be searching your boobs for spare change.
This can also be proven fun for your boyfriend (or girlfriend), if you want to engage in a friendly game of “find the quarter.”
The inventor herself also had a good reason for this product, which is: someone would rather be given money out of a pouch, than your sweaty bra/boobs. And I agree with her. I don’t want sweaty boob money!! And I also must admit that I kind of feel like a temptress and sexy with money against my boob. That might be just me.
Well, if you’re a guy, you won’t be able to use it. Sorry guys. I know you’re disappointed.
At the end of the day, when I remove my bra, it often falls out and I forget to pick it up. Last time, my dog swiped it as it fell off. Luckily I got it back, but it’s only because I noticed her with it in her maw, scampering under the sofa with it. I might think about sewing it inside my bra.
Another thing is, it’s NOT discrete when you try to remove money from your bra. I would have a hard time sitting in a restaurant, and having to fish money out of my boobs when I have to pay for my meal. So I think this product should be used wisely regarding where you are. It can look cute if you playfully remove your money from the racktrap, you know, in a sexy type way, but it might come off as tacky in a more elegant setting.
Rack Trap being eaten!!?
….Doesn’t taste as nice as it looks. Don’t do it.
Mittens?
Not so much. Also, I apologize for the incredibly terrified mouse look I have in that photo.
So, it turns out the racktrap has very limited uses. So am I for or against the racktrap? The verdict iiiiiiis:
It's a winner!
Ding ding ding!
Regardless of whether it falls out of my bra when I remove it, I like this product! I didn’t think I would, but I really get a kick out of it, even if it does seem ridiculous at first glance. I feel safer carrying etc cash, my boyfriend has reason to fondle me if he needs said cash, and it makes me feel somewhat sexy. I wouldn’t use it as a nice restaurant perhaps, but otherwise, it gets my seal of approval. In fact, I am wearing it right now, and it’s stayed in place and kept my money safe!
Now that that’s over with, I can go back to my corner and feel shameful about posting yet another article targetting boobs. I hope you’re all happy!!!!
-Roses
The much awaited conclusion to my last article. Let’s go!
Well well well, you are a band geek! You are somewhat of a prodigy, you can play multiple band instruments, and swiftly switch from brass to woodwind to electric guitar! You are talented and you know it, as indicated by your chair ranking. However, with great talent comes great egos. In my experience, there seems to be several breed of band geek. The fun kind, who love music, and the people who go home, put Chopin on repeat, and soak up knowledge like a sponge so you can go back to band and show off. You know it’s true. Even current band mates will admit to being cocky, and will try to wrestle you for that first rank seat by the conductor! Regardless, from a personal point of view, I love music and absolutely adore watching my niece bloom into a wonderful musician at her high school, and I think music is a wonderful thing to grow up with. Cheers to you, you band nerds.
If you are a drama geek, you more than likely participate in school theater, collage theater, community theater, and maybe even some improv shows. I attended a liberal arts school, and had the experience of rooming with some drama geeks, and it was very….enlightening. If you are a man, and a drama geek, you might have a bad rap. People might call you less than pleasant names regarding sexual orientation, but don’t let the people get you down – the theater should be respected! I love being entertained with music and acting simultaneously, and you drama geeks pull it off well. Wasn’t it Shakespeare who said “Life’s a stage! And we are it’s actors!” Or was that the table top saying I mentioned previously?….anyways. If you are a drama geek, you are probably multi talented: you can sing, dance, and act. Only thing about drama geeks…the drama seems to extend past the plays and musicals, doesn’t it?
TO MY PREVIOUS DRAMA GEEK ROOMATE: I am sorry I ruined your sequined head dress. I just wanted to wear it for a few minutes. Please don’t claw my eyes out.
You are a movie buff. Your collection is absolutely massive, you have 10 DVD players, and a couple of VHS players, and a beta tape player just in case you need an extra coaster. You watch the Oscars and cringe at their ridiculous tastes in movies! Titanic sucked! But, you are not so narrow minded that you cannot appreciate them (but you still think Titanic sucked). You probably love indie films, and artsy films that seem to make zero sense to the non movie geeks. You also love to be a critic, and are willing to debate anyone on movie concepts and premises. I must say, you movie geeks can sometimes be a pain in the rear, but there is something confident and sexy about a film nerd. I haven’t figured out what the allure is yet, so please message me if you guys have any ideas. In addition to having a vast knowledge about movies, you may also be adept at filming and using a camera, and pride yourself on techniques other people may not have.
You aren’t so much as a geek as much as you are severely passionate about writing and literature. You have a great admiration for the classics: Ernest Hemingway, Herman Melville, Franz Kafka; either one, two, or all three of those strike you as literary giants. You know what onamonapia is, can pronounce it, can spell it, and can use it in context. You also know what a hanging participle is, which is amazing because for a long while, I was pretty convinced it was a type of possum. You prefer to read the book before you see the movie (especially if it is Harry Potter, for some reason.) You would much rather stay in and home and cozy up to a good book than hit the club scene, feeding your brain with more and more vocabulary until you become so smart, nobody can understand you, thus leaving you alone with nothing but your dictionary to comfort you.
You are a mutt! Yes, you are the puppy that will never be taken to the dog show. But this works in your favor, as you are hopefully human if you are reading this. You like a variety of geeky things and are competent in more than one area. You like music, art, video games, movies, geeky glasses, pocky, and lime green, for some reason. I don’t know, everyone I know seems to like lime green. You simply like everything geeky. You don’t care for shoe shopping, the bar scene, strange clubs that smell like dirty underwear, or gossip. You revel in being intelligent, and your zest for life and compassion for multiple interests shows it. Be careful as to coming off as cocky, with most other types of geek. I don’t blame you if you show off every now and then do, heaven knows I do.
I really find that most people love more than one geeky activity, and is what essentially makes us into geeks in the first place. But there are definitely those of us who fall into that one category, or at least lean more to one than some others. The point is, we all have a bit of geek in us, and it should be embraced, not repressed. So if you are a geek, wave that flag proudly and push up those glasses!
Now, D&D anyone?
PS- ….I am still sorry about the head dress.
Let’s admit it. We’re all geeks, here. No need to hide the labels. You and I both know, that we are geeks.
Even if you don’t look like a geek, you are one. I know it. And if you aren’t a full blown geek, I guarantee you that you at least love something enough that provokes geek-gasms. Even if you are a club rat, but you hold passion for club crawling, and when the topic comes up, you titter and reflect on what hot spot you will hit up next. You geek. Out. And if not, welcome to the lovely community of carbon copy people.
So now that I’ve generalized that there is a bit, or a bit + of geek in everyone of us, I think it’s time to get more specific. Geeks can be put into one category, sure. But there isn’t just one type of geek, not that way I see it. There’s a wide array of geekdom in the world, and I am gonna find it! …Er, well, I’m going to talk about it. ….Write about it.
So let’s do it. Here is my list of geeky personas. Which Category do you fit in?
A very common breed of Geek. If you are a gamer geek, you most likely enjoy engaging in games. But not just any game, not just your typical Star Wars Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit (though you insist that you dominate during those games), you are probably focused on video/computer games. You like playing them, you like talking about them, and you like thinking you know more about them than other people. You are amazed by speed runs of Super Metroid, you know your John Romero from your John Carmack, and more than likely, you’re a virgin. Let’s face it, you like video games SO much, that it has rendered you socially stupid. Though, there is still hope! Gamers tend to be social with other gamers, so cut back on your elitist “I can beat this before you AHHAAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!11one” ways, and have fun. Gamer Geeks are also smart, laid back (for the most part!) and seem to be good with their hands. Or so, I have been told.
You never really fell into the hype of digital media. Video games, PC games, who cares? Not when you have your own little world where you can be a Dungeon Master, a Wizard, or a slightly androgynous elven person. You love table tops, LARPing, chatroom role play, and forum post-by post role play. As the great Shakespeare once said, “Life’s a Table Top! And we are it’s Dungeon Masters!” Or something like that. Unfortunately, these geeks are maybe the most awkward breed I have ever encountered. Unless they are in character, in which I usually just get a 500 sided die shoved into my face. But they are also pretty fascinating, it takes a lot of courage to go into a LARPing battle wearing some kind of atrocious wardrobe from Medieval Times. Meeting a boyfriend or girlfriend with the same interests might prove difficult, so these geeks generally gravitate to their own kind.
You love technology. It is God’s gift to geeks. Specifically? Computers. Computers are amazing, these robot like machine’s that allow you to network, play games, type word documents, hack people’s information, and offer a great way to keep in touch? You probably spend your days working ON a computer, because you love them so much. Your career is probably also computer oriented. You like programming, but you suck at it, like most computer nerds. Beyond computers, you also adore the iPhone, the android phone, cameras, any neat little gadget that pertains to technology. You have no problems getting a date. Awkward? Maybe a little bit, but your intelligence swiftly wins over anyone you attempt to charm. And if you are having bad luck romantically, use your knowledge to your advantage! People generally like smart people, so don’t hesitate to talk it up! Just don’t make the mistake of being cocky. The biggest issue I have with techies is their ability to make me feel like a dunce by abusing their intelligence. Make it charming, make it impressive, and put the ego aside while being social.
If you like Twilight, then you are more than likely a prepubescent teenage girl, or a mom. There are fans in between there somewhere, but I find they are rare. Twilight Mom Geeks? You people are seriously frightening. You probably go to Twilight fan meets, go to every showing wearing your “Team Edward” t-shirts, while dragging along your mortified teenage daughter along with you, while she thinks “Why can’t I just have a normal mom?” These newer Mom geeks are for the most part, embarrassing to be around. And while it is unlike me to judge, I am thinking it might benefit these moms to keep their strange passion for a book intended for teenagers under the covers. It’s a little more than creepy thinking about my mom having some lust fest for a sparkly teenage vampire. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal SOMEWHERE. If you are a Twilight Mom Geek, you are probably middle aged, thus reaching the prime of your sex life…WHICH YOU SHOULD SAVE FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
These geeks can be either incredibly fun, or incredibly irritating. If you are an anime geek, you don’t just love anime. You breathe it. You collect it. You go to every anime convention, and you will spend an entire year perfecting the perfect cosplay outfit, inspired by your favorite character from an anime series. You spend quite the chunk of money on your DVD series, and anticipate when the next one of your liking will come out. My favorite kind of anime geek is definitely the one who is social, and has fun in social situations. I don’t know much about anime MYSELF, but I find this species of geek is always so enthusiastic and passionate about their love for it that it transfers into me, sparking my interest in what interests them.
If you are a gamer girl, than you are most likely the rarest on this list. You love video games as much as your male counterpart, and you are just as verbose. You get enjoyment out of playing them, and it is one of your favorite hobbies. The downside? You are now a target for drooling male gamers everywhere, doomed to be pounced on when these guys find out your attraction to gaming. At first, they will be incredulous and think that you couldn’t possibly like video games, because you know…you SHOULD be knitting. But take it as a compliment. It just means that you might be able to relate and empathize with your with your male counterparts!
This concludes part one of my list. Didn’t see yourself on this list? You’ll have to wait until part 2!! Dun dun dun.
