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Undateable You

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

I was watching TV the other day, and for whatever reason, I wasn’t watching Kitchen Nightmares or old reruns of Whose Line is it Anyway.  There was this special on about what makes guys unsuitable candidates for dating a girl.  It was amusing for the most part, touching on things like “Guys shouldn’t wear a bandana, guys shouldn’t wear a wife beater on a first date..” etc.  You know, common sense things that NOBODY should do on a first date.Bret Michaels, doing what he does best: ....Looking somewhat girly..

Then they got to the rule of “Don’t talk about video games on a first date to your girl”, and some of the responses girls gave were just dense.  “If you talk to me about Halo, I will dump your ass”, to paraphrase.  The girls on the show made it seem stupid for girls to like video games in any sense (which we all know is outdated.  ‘Scuse me while I go shoe shopping while making a sandwich and sewing a doily).  Needless to say, I got a little huffy, which isn’t too uncommon when I feel strongly about something.  In the show’s defense, they recruited the most brain dead women to give their opinions on these so called video game rules, such as the oh-so-intelligent Snooki from Jersey Shore, who is more interested in a man on steroids than a man who plays a PS3.  Sorry Snooki- here is one of my rules for taking someone seriously: I can’t take you seriously when your skin color is similar to that of a pachyderm…by choice.

I eventually got fed up with these common rules, and decided to make some rules of my own!  Everyone has standards, right?  Well, these are my top reasons that make you…..dun dun dun….UNDATEABLE.
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Booyah! A blog post.

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

BOOSH! A wild PushingUpRoses appears!

While I was tinkering with my website appearance, I noticed that I haven’t updated it in nearly a month.  A month!  Where have I been?  What’s going on?  What time is it?  Why is there a huge scar where my kidneys are located?  Is “oozily” a real word?  All these questions answered and more, in this new blog post.

Basically, I’ve been busy.  I know I know, anti-climatic.  But first, I will share a story with you.

I was in the computer lab at school the other day, minding my own business, when I hear something from the other room.  It sounded like the most lackluster, depressive, downright disappointing “Booyah!” I have ever heard.  Have you ever tried using the term “Booyah” in the wrong context?  It sounds hilarious.  “Oh man, my car got broken into today on Canal st.  BOOOOOYAAAAAAH!”

So I very very very slowly poke my head around the wall to the next room, only to see a 60ish year old woman sitting at the computer, doing god knows what on the internet.  This woman screwed up the word “Booyah!”  How can you do that!?!?

Incorrect ways of using “Booyah”:

  • “I had a bad day.  Oh, booyah.”
  • “I left my lunch in the booyah.”
  • “YOU SUCK. BOOYAH.”
  • Hey baby, want to booyah?

Correct ways of using “Booyah”:

  • “Your MOM goes to college! BOOYAH.” (in response to “I go to college, etc”)
  • BOOYAH, GRANDMA! BOOYAH.” (in response to completely owning your grandma at the 27th game of scrabble)
  • I’m awesome! Booyah!” (because you might just be awesome)
  • Praise the Lord, booyah!” (in placement of hallelujah.  This may or may not be acceptable.)

Just so we’re clear.

Besides doing the whole school thing, I’ve been busy recording my Let’s Plays, and letting my inner geek out.  Or maybe it’s outer geek.  I think my geek shows pretty well.  If you say geek too many times, it sounds weird.  Try it.  Geekgeekgeekgeekgeekgeekgeek.  NOW IT’S LOST IT’S MEANING.

I have a lot of new projects in the works, but if any of you are interested in some snazzy collaborations I did recently, you can go to my buddy LordKat’s website, and view a lovely LP on spacequest.  You can also hear me say “Eat them out” in one instance. Erg.

I also did an article collaboration here, with the most lovely JewWario.

Oh, and if you haven’t seen this already, this is the best fan art of me I have ever seen in my life:

Is it wrong that I want to boink myself in cartoon form?  This was made by the wonderful Andrew Dickman.  Thanks for giving me a nice rack!  MAN I’m stacked.

Well…that’s all I have to say for now I suppose.  I guess it’s back to the grind. …..Booyah.

My Secret Life as a Sleuth

Friday, July 9th, 2010

I have a secret.

Well, it’s not actually a secret.  It’s more of a fantasy.  Ever since I was a little girl…I’ve always wanted to be…

(insert really really long awkward pause, and a cymbal crash)

A detective.

….What!?!? Don’t you ridicule, now!  Everyone has fantasies about being someone else, after all.  Some people want to be famous athletes, some people want to be actors and actresses, some people want to be a transvestite…it’s all good!  *I* have always wanted to be a detective.

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Lyrical Inadequacies [Part 1]

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Let’s waste no time here: ever wonder what happened to decent lyrics?  I am a huge, huge music nerd, and a crucial element for me in any music, is lyrical content.  Censored, uncensored, whatever – as long as it strikes a chord with me.  These days nothing seems to strike a chord, and I strain to find lyrics that are halfway decent, let alone make any sense.  Artists can get away with spewing just about anything these days as long as it has a rockin’ beat and gives people something to agitate to.   And my god, they do.  Lyrics have become so absurd these days, that I was inspired to waste more of my precious time in dedicating a random list of the most moronic lyrics ever spouted by man.

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The Rack Trap or Another article about boobs? Really?

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

So, you may remember a couple posts ago in an article far far away, me talking about presents for your geek girl.  It wasn’t meant to be anything earth shattering, just a light hearted little post about geeky things that I liked on a more personal level, and wanted to share.  You may have also remembered “the rack trap.”  Well! The inventor of the rack trap over at theracktrap.com (Don’t google “rack trap”…you will discover naughty things, trust me), was nice enough to send me a free rack trap!  Here she is!:

The rack trap

Ah yes, I have attained the valentines day edition! +500XP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ….Anyways.

I’ve noticed a couple things about this product- it is TINY, very very slender so it can fit inside your bra well without make you look like one boob is stuffed and the other isn’t, AND it’s kind of silky, so it shouldn’t itch.  Though I cannot speak for everyone with the itching issue, I just know I am not allergic to the material.

And now, let’s see it in action!  I was excited.

The Rack Trap in action

The Rack Trap in action

Right, so here we have it.  Now, I can’t show you anything more revealing than this, unfortunately.  But this gives you a sense of how big it is and how it fits in your bra.

PROS!!!

Well, it’s kind of cute.  And I am not one to just fall into cutesy girly merchandise, however it does make a good product for holding extra cash, and I can say I feel safer holding this money in my cleavage as opposed to walking around with a purse.  I guess my reasoning here is that a mugger probably will not be searching your boobs for spare change.

This can also be proven fun for your boyfriend (or girlfriend), if you want to engage in a friendly game of “find the quarter.”

The inventor herself also had a good reason for this product, which is: someone would rather be given money out of a pouch, than your sweaty bra/boobs.  And I agree with her.  I don’t want sweaty boob money!! And I also  must admit that I kind of feel like a temptress and sexy with money against my boob.  That might be just me.

CONS!!!

Well, if you’re a guy, you won’t be able to use it. Sorry guys. I know you’re disappointed.

At the end of the day, when I remove my bra, it often falls out and I forget to pick it up. Last time, my dog swiped it as it fell off. Luckily I got it back, but it’s only because I noticed her with it in her maw, scampering under the sofa with it. I might think about sewing it inside my bra.

Another thing is, it’s NOT discrete when you try to remove money from your bra. I would have a hard time sitting in a restaurant, and having to fish money out of my boobs when I have to pay for my meal. So I think this product should be used wisely regarding where you are. It can look cute if you playfully remove your money from the racktrap, you know, in a sexy type way, but it might come off as tacky in a more elegant setting.

Things you cannot use the racktrap for:

Rack Trap being eaten!!?

….Doesn’t taste as nice as it looks. Don’t do it.

Mittens?

Rack trap is not a mitten.

Not so much. Also, I apologize for the incredibly terrified mouse look I have in that photo.

So, it turns out the racktrap has very limited uses. So am I for or against the racktrap? The verdict iiiiiiis:

Pro Racktrap!

It's a winner!

Ding ding ding!

Regardless of whether it falls out of my bra when I remove it, I like this product! I didn’t think I would, but I really get a kick out of it, even if it does seem ridiculous at first glance. I feel safer carrying etc cash, my boyfriend has reason to fondle me if he needs said cash, and it makes me feel somewhat sexy. I wouldn’t use it as a nice restaurant perhaps, but otherwise, it gets my seal of approval. In fact, I am wearing it right now, and it’s stayed in place and kept my money safe!

Now that that’s over with, I can go back to my corner and feel shameful about posting yet another article targetting boobs. I hope you’re all happy!!!!

-Roses