Consequences

Written by PushingUpRoses on February 5th, 2010

Not even a week ago, something happened that left me frightened. While in bed, sound asleep, I woke up to have what can be called a seizure; I thrashed and flailed about for what I would say ten minutes. I don’t remember specifics or what I was thinking or feeling, but when I woke up the next morning, my entire right arm was numb, which is why drawing has been somewhat hard recently. The root of the seizure is something that I have been struggling with for a long time now – 8 years – but because of what happened last week, I decided to be more candid about it.

I grew up a very chubby girl, and grew into an obese teen. My friends were a little more than rude, it was hard having skinny friends making fun of overweight people when we hung out – calling them whales – laughing behind their backs – I felt awful.

I was that girl in elementary school, secretly wishing she could look like the popular students, yearning for blond hair, blue eyes, and zero fat on my body. I was that girl who would look into the mirror, and smile to see if she looked pretty, or turn her head to see what she looked like at different angles. I would grab at my chub, and wish it was muscle. I fell into the media hype, I wanted that American Dream – I wanted perfection. I was that girl who was influenced by the wrong ideas – the idea that thin was beautiful, and I could not be beautiful without being thin. I couldn’t handle being the fat girl, the girl nobody wanted, the girl I saw in the mirror. I was the girl who took the joke personally. And the last straw that started it all was the comment I got from my first boyfriend: “She’s as big as a house.”

I couldn’t handle giving up food, so I went the destructive route, and quickly became bulimic.

BulimiaBulimia proved to be difficult at first; throwing up is never pleasant, whether it is provoked by the flu, or self induced. But I quickly got over it, and it became routine. For years, I would purge my food as much as 30 to 60 times daily, without telling anyone. I felt like I was getting away with something, as long as I hid it, and as long as I stopped before it became out of control, I would be fine.

Negative eighty pounds later, I couldn’t stop. My weight fluctuated, my hair started falling out, my skin became blemished, my eyes were dark and puffy, my teeth rotted, my heart often pumped irregularly, there were bite marks and scars on my hands, where my teeth would clench into my skin when I was purging. The consequences were not light or subtle, but I didn’t stop, my mentality was so extreme that I would rather die than become fat again. Even the incentive of death was not powerful enough to tame my disorder.

As recently as last year, I sought help for my disorder after having frequent fainting spells. I have tamed my disorder, but it’s never over. Reintroducing food into your system can sometimes shock it – causing seizures sometimes, or sometimes panic attacks. The hardest parts are my thoughts, the ones that keep telling me I am fat and ugly, the ones that remind me of the cruel kids in high school who wouldn’t leave me alone. And the media. The media was the worst influence on me. But I have worked hard at it, and have gotten much better about accepting myself and realizing that I was beautiful all along, fat or no fat, blond hair or black hair, blue eyes or green eyes – my personality overrides those things. But it took almost 8 years to get over these things, and by then, harm had already been done.bulimia

What am I saying to my readers is, if you struggle with something, if your self esteem is low, do not, DO NOT, give up on yourself. Accept yourself the way you are, and realize that you can be happy even in grim situations. You can be happy with what you have. Surround yourself with good people, genuine people you trust. Remember material things do not matter. Money is good, and hard to come by in this economy, but people are the ones that matter. People can talk to you, love you, hold you, and be there for you. Money and material things could not solve my problem, only loving, caring people could do that. I promise you that.

If you are being destructive, and you know it and think you are getting away with something, you aren’t. There are always consequences to what you do, and some things are irreversible. My arm has not regained feeling, and my hair never grew back to what it was. I spent an ungodly amount of money fixing my teeth, if I had only realized sooner that appearance does not define who I am, I could have avoided many physical ailments.

More importantly is, we are not going to be young forever. We are all going in the same direction, which is getting older, getting gray, and getting saggy. Enjoy your youthful looks if you’d like, but it will not last.

Even if only one person reads this post, and it inspires them and takes something positive away from this, I will be a happy that I shared. And if you are on the bullying side, don’t ever think that your words or actions will not influence someone. You never know what is going to hurt someone, or not affect them at all.

  • neoscriptor

    I know you've been struggling with this for a long time, and it's good to know you are improving. Bulimia is honestly one of the scariest things I have ever known. I'd really prefer our media to portray _everybody_ so that as Americans, we don't expect celebrities to look a certain way. Where are the 70s when we need 'em?

  • MeAndMe

    It's good to see that you've gotten over all that crap, it's inspiring to people. Keep up the good work girl.

  • Bekefel

    It seems like “popularity” means more to people than anything else that side of the pond, if American high school drama has taught me anything. Also there are jocks and nerds. I guess it wasn't like that here in Britain, popularity wasn't really an issue in my school. Sure there were “cool” people and some “uncool” people, but generally 98% of people didn't garner any superiority over others.

    I don't know what friends you had, but they obviously weren't very friendly if they made fun of you all the time. Thats not what friends are supposed to do. If you had good friends I'm sure they could have helped you and been there for you. But it's good you're getting past it now, bulimia is scary.

    From what I see of American TV and Media, America needs to fucking sort it out. It really is disgusting.

  • http://twitter.com/riathepinkie Kayla Moore

    *hugs*

  • richardwesker

    My first girlfriend was a big girl. Come to think of it, my last girlfriend was pretty big. Both of them were amazing. The girl I dated in between those two ended up being the most shallow and manipulative person I've ever met in my life. Guess what? She was skinny as a rail.

    I'm losing weight now, but for the longest time, I was pretty big. As such, a girl's size never really ever bothered me. It was always more the quality of their character that was most important. If we were in school together, I imagine that you're the type of girl that I would have asked out back then. I hope you regain what you've lost someday, but today, with your amazing honesty, you've gained a friend in me.

  • Biscuit

    Sarah, I'm sorry you went through all of that.

    I wasn't ever fat until I had kids. But I never made fun of anyone heavier than I. Actually I had a lot of friends that were over weight, but I never looked at them different. They were just people to me.

    I do know some people who would make fun of over-weight people and I always curled my nose because it was so juvenile.

    Now that I'm bigger, I realize that being skinny is lame =P
    As long as YOU think you're beautiful, the people that matter will think you are.
    I'm glad that we both have men that can show us that we are, too.

  • Cookiemonster

    *Sniff*

  • pushinguproses

    Thank you, I appreciate that. :)

  • pushinguproses

    Yes, well I think it's really hard to feel a certain way about yourself, it's easier when you have people in your life to help reassure you. :)

  • LotusPrince

    I'm happy that you were able to make it out of that funk. The pre-college years are always the worst in terms of that kind of thing. I really don't know what gets into bullies' heads that makes them…er…bully. Seriously, what's the point? It never ends well for anyone.

    Funny story (don't worry, this actually goes somewhere): my personality did a complete 180 when I entered college. Before college, I was a recluse. I had my little circle of friends, but I'd rarely speak in class, except to answer the teacher's questions. I wasn't even really bullied because I maintained such a low profile(or, as a certain Christmas tree of a certain Rifftrax episode would say, “Of no account.” ūüėõ ). Pretty much as soon as I entered college, all of that stuff turned around – probably because people started caring less about that shallow bullshit, and also probably because you'd only see other students for a semester anyway. But hey, another piece of advice for miserable pre-college students out there: when you enter college, your situation will most likely improve. Go for the gold!

  • pushinguproses

    Hey you! Thank you for the feedback. I am very similar, I also did a 180 after college. :) So I know how liberating it can be.

  • Danny Kage

    well you're getting better which is good =]

  • Larian

    I don't know you, but my best friend in the whole wide world links to you and this post resonated with me. I was never bulimic (actually, I'm emetophobic) but I went through anorexia and the bad thoughts still creep up and sock me over the head sometimes.

    In a weird way I do feel… better? Less alone, anyway. I know in a technical sense that I'm not but everyone around me always seems so happy and successful and I'm the only one who can't seem to get it together. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling, and that I'm not a horrible person. So many people keep telling me that if I just tried harder, just TRY, all my problems would go away and I'd be happy and normal and I don't know, go to Mary Kay parties (I have no idea what normal people do for fun).

    It's not that simple. But it's hard to remember.

    You sound amazing and your website looks great, so keep on being awesome. :)

  • OCD Superman

    I know I don't know you, but I really can relate, which I realize sounds weird coming from a dude. I'm a broadly built guy, your classic mesomorph, who was kinda chubby and self conscious through middle school. In high school, since I was big and strong, the guys talked me into wrestling – where I had to cut weight. Well, 2 years of cutting weight turned into a 5 year struggle with anorexia where I went from 240 lbs to 155 lbs, and I'm 6″2'.

    It takes time to heal from the damage, both mental and physical. I'm 25 now and have been “ok” for, what?, 3-4 years? But it stays with you, but that isn't always a bad thing, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

    Oh, and I just wanted to say, you are very pretty. I'm in a committed relationship, so don't take this the wrong way (I wish we didn't live in a world where a guy had to preface himself before giving an honest complement), but you have beautiful skin and some of the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen, you should never feel like you should have to change :)

  • natashabennett

    I'm sorry to hear about your Bulimia problems :(. Even though I was skinny, I had crooked teeth, glasses, bad hair, and asthma, so I was abused quite a bit in school, both physically and mentally. The good news was, as you said, everything changed in college, and I found real people who liked me for who I was. The key is never giving up on who you are.

    Best of luck,
    Natasha

  • pushinguproses

    That is very sweet of you to leave a comment. And trust me, I -know- how it feels to think that everyone else is more successful. I am 25 years old, and restarted college a year ago. All my friends? Graduated, seemingly happy. But I have realized that not everyone around me as is well off as they seem. Who is your best friend? Anyone I know? :)

  • pushinguproses

    Thank you very much. Don't worry, I never take compliments for more than what they are, but I always appreciate them. So I appreciate the compliment very much. I am glad you shared, because it -is- rarer that guys suffer from eating disorders, but I know it's out there. I am also 25, but still working on being okay. I am glad to hear you have been okay for an extended period of time. :) I see you are friends with Scarlett, judging on the geekgems.com topic on TSE, are you helping her launch it?

  • ocdsuperman

    Honestly I'm just a fan who, by accidentally following links, kinda got into the site way before she opened it. I got talking to her through comments in the site's early build, let her know how much I was loving it, and asked her to let me know when she was launching it and if it was alright to spread the word.

    So, I'm lucky and Scarlett's awesome is pretty much how that breaks down.

  • pushinguproses

    Agreed, she is a very sweet person – I am proud to have her in my blogroll.

  • Orie
  • Troy/Bushido

    Someone once told me:

    'The Scars of the past [whether they're external or internal] represent lessons learned in life. Bare them with pride.'

    Short and sweet, all for you, Rosey.

  • http://scarlettopia.com Scarlett

    Hey sweetpea! The more n' more I get to know you, the more n' more I want to give you hugs. :)

    I was in the exact same boat, but throw in being harassed for my height and hair color to the mix. People don't realize how brutally hurtful their comments can be, or maybe they just don't care. My mom turned bulimic when my father asked her (6 weeks after giving birth to my brother) when she was “finally going to start losing weight.” I flirted with anorexia in high-school and college when I couldn't make myself purge. It's a viscous cycle and it never truly ends, but it's always tremendously helpful to know there are people out there who truly care about you, no matter your size. I loe ya, girl! xx

  • pushinguproses

    Thanks, Scarlett! <3

    It's very hard, and people often asking me how I can just make myself vomit. But like anything else, it becomes routine, and addicting, the same way shooting heroin is. It's not fun pricking yourself, it's not fun vomiting, but you are addicted.

    Don't let anyone tell you otherwise though, cause you are a beautiful woman, missy! And your haircolor is rare, and gorgeous.

  • thewindowkeeper

    I doubt this even compares to what you were/are going through, but I suffer depression, and have suffered it since the sixth grade. I was suicidal for two years, and only two people caught on. And it was because I had a low self-esteem, was picked on throughout school for being weird (I didn't try for sports because I was too busy drawing or writing), and most of the girls I liked passed me up as a “pimple-faced geek.” And I think back to it now, thinking “wow, I was miserable, but I'm still here.” I think of everything I have now; someone I've known since the first grade that loves me (and watches me draw anything), friends since middle school and friends more recent who would do (and have done) anything to help me out, and family that, albeit quirky to say the least, is still family, and I'm glad I never pulled the trigger.

    Again, I don't know how this compares exactly to bulimia, but I know what it's like to be miserable with your self image enough to hurt yourself. And I want to thank you for bringing this to people's attention. Far too often, the media glorifies being “skinny and pretty,” or “musclebound and chiseled,” despite the fact that beauty can be found in everything. It's hard in the face of what people say is ideal to accept who you are, but the ideals are still negative. Thank you again.

  • pushinguproses

    It definitely compares. Depression and bulimia often go hand and hand. I am glad you didn't pull the trigger either, it sounds like you have a lot of friends and people who care about you.

    I am glad you liked the read. :) Thank you for all of your comments!

  • Tengwarsenna

    See I never got teased for being a red head, but adults always seemed to think I was and comfort me (I now know this is what they were trying to do, back then it was just creepy) by saying that they would love to have my hair and were going to steal it.

    The only time that I know my hair has been a contributing factor to what someone has thought of me is my boyfriend. It seems he likes gingers. Or maybe I just don't notice it…

  • Tengwarsenna

    I'm somewhat similar in the fact that I'm Bi-Polar, and that has stopped me from having many close friends, as some days I just don't get out of bed. Unless I work, when I'm down, I'm down. Some days all I can think is “What is the point?”, and I just don't do a bloody thing.

    *hugs*

  • Tengwarsenna

    Replied to a few people, but now to chime in with my experience.

    Very few people care about me. I'm very quiet and don't really go out of my way to meet people. I get out of touch with people. I don't inderstand how people work. I am Bipolar. That means I have a mood disorder. I cycle (often rapidly) from mania to depression. I can spend one day as hyper as if I had drank a litre of expresso and every colour is bright, and my thoughts race and run together, and I mis things and I'm out of control, and I blurt out whatever I'm thinking, and I have panic attacs, and etc. The next day I just can't. Can't get up. Can't eat. Can't drink. Can't get dressed. Can't talk to people. I feel alone, unloved and utterly hopeless. These moods contributed to the fact that I hate sports, (they reuquire you to be consistently doing things) and am generally unhealthy. I'm a foot shorter than my boyfriend, yet 30 to 50 lbs heavier. My weight fluctuates, depending on whether I'm gorging or just not eating anything. And I get panic attacks when I'm depressed too. Yay.

    I think most of my troubles stem from that. I hope they all stem from that. I don't have the PTSD my dad has, but I do have the fact that I am dealing with a father that has PTSD and often doesn't go to his doctors appointments. He just doesn't talk about it. He has had a military life and it has made him bitter, angry and constantly in pain. This takes a toll on the family around you when you are a very passionate, slightly socially awkward person to begin with.

    Maybe my trouble is with the mother who obviously loves my father, but can't stand up to him. She wants so much for everything to come up roses (heehee) even when everything is crap. I have this optimistic outlook on life. This makes it even more devastating when life craps on me. I want honesty and kindness to mean everything. It doesn't. I hope that if it does to me, it will for everyone. This gives me an almost childish way of looking at things. “This isn't fair,” “How could you do that?” and “Why me?” are ingrained into my thoughts.

    But through this I have one giant beacon of light. The man that has been by my side since grade 11. My boyfriend. He is my support, my guide and my light. I try not to be too dependant on him but he really is all that and a box of chocolates. He is the most caring, understanding and beautiful man I have ever met. (Shit I'm crying again.) I'm not trying to say that everyone needs a significant other for when times are hard, but having a relationship with him has been an amazing help to me in my life. I can't imagine where I would be if I didn't have him in my life. Not to be overly melodramatic, but I don't know if I would be. While he doesn't understand everything I feel, he always lets me know he is there, without being patronizing. He is the only person I trust with everything.

    If there is a moral here, I don't know what it is. All I know is I want to thank you for your honesty and trust in us to share this, and inspiring me to place that same trust and honesty in you. I'm not sure I believe I just wrote this all out, but my eyes are telling me I did. Thank you.

  • pushinguproses

    With bulimia comes a plethora of other problems, such as heavy depression, etc. So I understand where you are coming from.

    I also have a guy in my life that seems to be very understanding about my situation, and is there for me no matter what. I think I would be fine without him, (as you would without yours) but it's so much better and happier to have someone there who can offer you FULL support. Support is so important when you are suffering from depression. I am happy to hear you have a fine man who makes you feel good, and can be a good influence. Thank you for sharing your experience, I hope things progress well and I hope things stay wonderful with you and your boyo. =]

  • http://twitter.com/jamesthegoth James Grayson

    Oh my God, I just read this and I can't say enough how appreciative I am. I'm really sensitive about my weight, even if I'm not THAT fat, I still have a lot of it. I was really in despair for a while, and I've been losing some weight, but my body does not give up easily. My family has this thing where just about every food item we eat gets stored into fat almost immediately, leaving us all slightly overweight (or at least almost all of us) or more.

    But, you know what? I'm perfectly happy with every other aspect of me. My strengths, my weaknesses, my loves, my hates, my hobbies, my fetishes, my style, my personality, and my skills. So, why not the way I look weight-wise? In this world, I can find someone I love and am attracted to just as easily as I can find someone who loves me and is attracted to me.

    I'm sick and tired of being in despair, so you know what, Sarah? I'm taking the advice I just read here to heart. Screw the media. I make fun of it enough in my videos. There's no need for me to be hating on my own body to the point that I can barely look in the mirror. I'm tired of it. From now on, my body is mine, and anyone who can't accept that is no friend of mine.

    Thank you so much, Sarah. I mean it. Your personal writings have touched me in multiple instances, and I just want to say I really appreciate them.

  • http://twitter.com/yellowclaws Preethi

    I glad you shared your battle with your personal demons. I myself moved to US when I was about 7 years old. When I first went to school I was the only Indian at my school in fact I think I was the only foreigner in my school. But never stop me I would try my best to makes friends but Still no body want to be my friend. That's when find out how tasty American Food was (Eating American food is a rare thing in my house) From than on I then become fat, I would stay that way ( I still am that way). But wait the my loneliness was not the only it was pushy parents would compare other Indians. I always maybe it's easier for American since they are born here I see we have sort of the same struggles, It's worst for woman be fat but almost ok for a guy to be fat, it just isn't fair.

  • Slepter

    Oh my God. Reading that post made me physically ill. I FEEL like I'm going to puke. Ugh. I can't… the thought of regurgitating my food back up all the… okay, I seriously can't keep thinking about that.

    You're a real trooper though. I like that. It doesn't take anyone special to give in to a crippling addiction, but it takes real chutzpah–REAL FUCKIN' BALLS to kick it once it's got you. And even if you are stuck with some residual effects of the issue, I think they're just battle scars. They're what YOU stole from your enemy after forcefully beating it into submission. You're manlier than a lot of men I've known, Sarah. Props, and keep it real.

  • Katie

    I think you're B-E-A-Utiful. Inside and out. And I think you would make a wonderful guidance counseler (It's midnight and I can't remember how to spell it ūüėõ ) for girls in middle school. Just a thought. :) <3

  • http://jbsrandomthoughts.wordpress.com JBGuudermann

    Thank you for posting this, it gives me a whole other level of respect for you. The whole “this-is-how-people-are-supposed-to-look-and-if-you-don't-you-don't-count” thing is not only prevalent in America but Europe (or at least Germany, from what I can tell) as well and I've had my personal problems with it, too, although not as bad as you. It's good to hear of yet another person who hasn't let it get the better of them. It always makes me happy to see people who manage to be happy because they are how they are. Which can only be described as “fantastic” in your case. Take care.

  • LizzywithaWhy

    I just read through every single one of the comments on this page… Sarah, I think you just helped a lot of people where it counts. :) Including me. I don't struggle too much with my physical image, but what you wrote about being self-destructive… wow.

    I go to a school where it seems like everyone's a genius. It's not a private school, either. I'm constantly hearing people freak out over an 80 on a test. Before starting this school I was pretty sure I was smart… now I'm often convinced I'm an idiot, I have panic attacks and more than a few times I've scratched and bitten my arms. When I procrastinate I feel like I have to punish myself. I don't like doing it per se, I just have some harsh part of my mind insisting that it has to be done.

    I seem to have forgotten that I'm allowed to have my own set of standards and perspective… that scares me. I feel like this crazy school has taken them away, and I'm discovering how important they were. I need to be myself again in order to be happy. Ivy League schools may not like what I do, but it's right for ME. :)

    Sarah, I think it did something really important for my self-esteem to read this. Seriously, thank you. *bear hug*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Roddy-Mofoing-Lawrence/100001052376772 Roddy Mofo’ing Lawrence

    This is pretty old, so I guess replying is silly, but I am going to anyway. =P
    This has inspired me to lose weight and NOT for vanity, but because you made me realize that the time I have to enjoy being young and healthy is limited, so I need to get healthy so I CAN enjoy it.
    And on the topic of your self-esteem, Roses….you are hawt.

  • Edelweiss

    ¬†When you already have a cute face, I don’t see why the motivation to get rid of that gut¬† isn’t there lol.¬† People can’t change there faces a whole lot, but you can get rid of those love handles.¬† Is it not as easy as eating a few more veggies everyday and doing some sit ups? Perhaps not.

  • http://twitter.com/V4VGnet V4VG.net

    People can be fucking cruel, I’ve also battled with my body image all my life so I understand how difficult it can be. When you’re feeling bad just remember how far you’ve come, I can guarantee you’ve accomplished far more than any of those bullies ever will.

    Stay strong :-)

    Emma (v4vg.net)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eric-Barbour/560459206 Eric Barbour

    I really appreciate your article and I think it’s an extremely valuable post. ¬†I also applaud the character it takes to post such an article, as bulimia is very personal and can be hard to discuss. ¬†While I could catch flack for this, I do have a single reservation. ¬†

    Conversations regarding body-image often lead to the conclusion that people should simply be comfortable with who they are. ¬†I understand the ideal, and I think that it’s laudable, but I also think it can be a crutch and that few people are capable of pulling it off. ¬†

    There’s something to being fit and slender. ¬†It’s true that the world is cruel, and I was also overweight, ashamed, picked on, and felt terrible about myself as a teenager; people can be downright mean to the heavy, and even the normal-weighted merely get¬†acceptance. ¬†But the fact that the world encourages fitness in an asinine way doesn’t mean¬†necessarily¬†that it’s a poor goal to aspire to.

    I was 220lbs when I was 15 years old, 6’2″ for reference but blithely muscle-free, and I did everything I could to hide my fat: I would wear thick jackets, dark clothing, etc. to conceal it as much as possible. ¬†My sophomore year of high school, I joined a weight training class and decided to start bicycling. ¬†It took me two years of consistent effort but I dropped from 220lbs to 165lbs and gained significantly more muscle (I still fondly remember the first time I could feel my lats while hanging onto a bus rail). ¬†It felt incredible – my energy level had improved, I had more self-esteem, and my general perspective on life had become more positive.

    Sappiness aside, I know what it’s like to be heavy, I know what it’s like to be healthfully slender, and there is a world of difference between the two. ¬†Everyone deserves for themselves the experience of being slender and healthy, with the energy and self-confidence¬†associated¬†with it. ¬†There really is no comparison.

    With regard to modernistic pursuit of accepting¬†your body as it is, the world’s morons will tell you that you have to get thin fast, or magically be thin from the start of life; it’s a natural reaction to want to tell the morons where to shove it and that you are happy with yourself as you are. ¬†If you actually are happy, then more power to you (unless it leads to medical complications). ¬†If you aren’t, and I’m willing to bet most people fall into this category, try ignoring life’s idiots and get fit for yourself – don’t panic, don’t rush it, and do it for you, not for them.

    Below are some lessons I learned, to help anyone interested out on their way:

    * Remember that when trying to get to your ideal figure, there should be no timeframe – let it take as long as it takes because if you rush it, you’ll push too hard and risk a break down.

    * Achieving your desired body is a matter of changing your lifestyle, not going on diets. ¬†This follows from the above – whatever changes you make should be perpetual changes – if you can’t do it indefinitely, you’re not doing it right.

    * Find exercise activities that you like. ¬†As in the above two tips, if you don’t like it, you won’t do it perpetually and then you’ll end up exactly where you started, which is not where you want to be. ¬†Example: go on walks (maybe with friends? maybe while talking on the phone?) if you don’t like jogging. ¬†Don’t ever push yourself into doing something that you hate just to get thin – it won’t work.

    * Experiment with healthful foods. ¬†If you like cooking, try looking for recipes that include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, etc. ¬†If you don’t like what you made, make something else. ¬†Keep experimenting until you find something that you DO enjoy, because you should be eating this type of thing FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. ¬†Also, low-carb and low-fat diets are a joke. ¬†If your food consumption is better defined by a catch phrase than the phrase “generally healthful,” you’re on the wrong track. ¬†Whole grains fall into the category “carb” but are actually extremely healthy, and some fattening foods, while more calorically dense, also help bring about feelings of satiety which will reduce your overall daily calorie intake and bring about greater total dietary/life satisfaction.

    * Don’t hate yourself for the occasional splurge. ¬†If you’re planning on eating healthfully until you die, you’d better leave some room for ice cream or cookies because otherwise your life is going to ssuuuuck (dramatize the inflection in your mind). ¬†The same goes for breaks in exercise: if you end up taking a break, perhaps one forced-on by stressful events in your life, don’t let the break keep you from starting up again. ¬†You don’t have to be always “on”; sometimes the down-time is exactly what you need in order to keep things up for the long-haul.

  • Min91

    I’ve been suffering from bulimia on and off for the past few years now…though I’ve technically never been overweight I swing from being underweight to normal weight in. 12kg range over the past few years and exercise/purge myself to death.I’ve finally decided to turn my life around after dropping out of college , the stress got to me after being in denial for so long and convincing myself I was okay because I have always been a straight A machine( overbearing Asian parents! ) despite being a wreck inside.do u feel that seeing a psychiatrist was really important to your recovery? Coming from qt traditional family my family just tries to deny this and scold me for being different and weird..so I’m still kinda confused as to what to do.I’m re entering college next year so I really want to get my life back on track ASAP