The Epilator Story

Written by PushingUpRoses on May 19th, 2010

Sometimes when I am bored, I think. And sometimes when I think, I get ideas. The majority of these ideas are mediocre to genius, but there is that minute percentage (maybe like..5%) of ideas gone terribly wrong.

The other day, I randomly thought to myself: “Man, I hate shaving. If I could not do one thing, it would be shaving. Razor burn, slicing myself to ribbons, THEN the hair just grows back within like, 2 days? This is not worth my time. And I’m hungry!”

Now, let me elaborate on a few thoughts. I am one of those people who doesn’t believe that women should absolutely, without a choice, have to shave. After all, men don’t really shave, and I always liked a more naturally appearance, as opposed to an appearance I can tell was altered. However, the media has done a great job in making women everywhere feel blameworthy about “unsightly” hair. And that’s another thing I never understood – is it really unsightly? Cause I can think of a million other things that far outweigh hair on the repulsion scale:  flesh eating virus’, eye boogers, shrimp, Nick Nolte….just to name a few. I’m not sure when the shaving ritual began, or how it even came to be, but now there are severals ways to rid yourself of body hair if you so choose to. I think it has all come down to aesthetics for -most- people, but I will always find a bit of hair to be attractive.

Now! I will be a hypocrite and say that even though I don’t care if women don’t shave, I still shave my legs.  I don’t know why I do it – I guess it’s just become routine and I love soft silky legs on myself. I care less about what the public would think if I didn’t shave, than the fact that I just happen to like smooth legs. But shaving is so agitating and repetitive. And I have had it with my razor – I shave in the shower so if I cut myself, the water quells the pain almost instantly, and I never notice until I get out of the shower that I have ribbons of red liquid traveling down my legs.

So I bought an epilator.

Isn’t she a beaut? Alright, let me explicate the mechanics of this here device: It’s shaped like an electric razor, only instead of having razor heads that you don’t feel when you use them, this has a rotating set of several metal tweezers that open and close, and spin rapidly while in use. The idea here is that the tweezers will quickly pluck the hair from the root, making it take longer to grow back since you tear the follicle, and since it goes so fast, it’s not as painful, right? Right?

Feeling ambitious, I decided to give this thingie a try. Under my arms.

I’ve been told that this is the most painful place to tweezer/wax, but I omitted these warnings. After all, I have giant birds tattooed on my chest! I can handle anything! I am SHE-RA.

So I turn on my new gadget, and it spins wildly, making a somewhat intimidating noise that one could be described as “dentist drill”.

I start using it, and about two seconds of having hair being ripped from my skin, I am spouting the most inappropriate obscenities ever thought up. Too obscene for even this website. But, I toughed it out. I got through one arm before I put it down and noticed I was feeling a bit clammy. Then I noticed my eyes were blacking out. Then I noticed I was in bed, after waking up from passing out for however long.

Christ, I’d rather shave every few days than have to deal with that EVER AGAIN. What the HELL!?! Who thought this was a good idea, and why do people still use them? I guess it lasts longer than shaving, but JEEZUS it hurts. There is no reason to ever put yourself in this amount of pain for the sake of vanity. Ugh, thinking about the sensation of hairs being torn out of me is making my stomach feel a bit oozily.

Okay, shaving. You win this time. But hear you me, Epilator…we will try this again soon.

….On someone else. Volunteers?

  • LotusPrince

    Geez, and here I was, thinking that it'd be an electric razor for your legs, or something. God damn, that sounds rough.

    It makes sense, though. Ever pull a single hair out? It hurts. Doing many at once sounds crazy painful.

  • Onppa

    Oh lordy that was funny XD Not the fact that you felt pain, just the story.

  • http://scarlettopia.com Scarlett

    I was contemplating buying an epilator a year or two ago; then I went and read pages of reviews on Amazon.com. Between the exacting directions (“you MUST start on your lower legs, you MUST only do one small section every few hours for pain control, you MUST have numbing agents nearby and take Ibuprofen an hour beforehand …”) and the horror stories, I opted out. Smooth n' silky are win, but not worth that much forethought and unbearable ouchies!

    Incidentally, have you heard that redheads have a much lower tolerance for pain than others, and that we require 20% more anesthesia? True fax!

  • http://twitter.com/riathepinkie Kayla Moore

    Ugh I hate tweezing my eyebrows. I can't imagine what doing that to my underarms would be like.

  • Designhobo

    I agree with you on not shaving at all. LOL
    Well, I barely do anyway, but in my defense… I have skin graphs I have to shave around and it's a bitch-ola. Accidents are funnnnn, not.

    And I didn't mean to post on this profile, It is I, a Biscuit.

  • pushinguproses

    I did not know that! Why is that I wonder? Do you feel like you have a lower tolerance than others?

  • pushinguproses

    I knew it was you, silly bean!

  • Designhobo

    Hehe, I know, but I don't think anyone else knew it was me ^^.

  • MarcustheCynic

    Holy God in Heaven. If I were in your shoes, I would have set the thing ablaze the minute my mind likened it to a dentist drill.

  • neoscriptor

    Not only is the thought frightening, but the thing LOOKS scary. Ah spinning tweezers of dooom.

  • thesettingsun

    wax?

  • http://twitter.com/khakhov Khadeja Merenkov

    OH my Lord, I tried using an epilator on my calves and it hurt so much I was crying. If you had told me you wanted to use the epilator I would have definitely told you not too!! The pain is incredible!
    I like waxing. Yes, it hurts for a moment but it isn't nearly as bad.

  • Kevin Eckert

    I don't even know how anyone could think that would be a good idea.

    “I have an idea, Bob! Let's get 20 tweezers, connect them to an electric motor, and use it to rip the hair out of part of out body!”

    “…sir, I don't know you, my name isn't Bob, and why are you wearing that straight jacket and helmet?”

  • http://twitter.com/khakhov Khadeja Merenkov

    Also: I believe, too, that no one should be forced to shave their legs. In fact, I take my beautiful sweet time between shavings/waxings because I don't really care. However, the feeling of smooooooth legs is way too awesome! Whenever I feel like a hypocrite or something, I just remember the awesome smoothness and realise that I am mostly doing it for myself 😀

  • pushinguproses

    I completely agree. But I do enjoy feeling smooth. It's more of a feeling than how I feel it -looks-, you know? =)

  • crash

    Nair or Veet work really well to remove hair. I cut up my ankles so bad from shaving I had to find something else.

  • pushinguproses

    Yeah, I have used both. Doesn't work for me unfortunately. Oh well.

  • http://twitter.com/khakhov Khadeja Merenkov

    They don't work for me either! And I really cannot deal with the smell…

  • DarkShadow

    I've been toying with the idea of getting an electric razor, tho I do hope it's nothing like this evil piece of machine you have talked about.
    But for the time being I only shave from my ankle to my knee. I read in a mag. to only shave what you need to, hairs that are darker which tends to be in the lower leg area.
    In the winder I shave once every few weeks. If no one's seeing my legs I dont care what they look like sexy smooth legs or not. Shaving is time consuming and the razors that make them look this way are way too damn expensive!
    I am however curious how much pain this tool of yours causes. I'd be a willing volunteer.

  • mythandros

    Might I suggest simple test to divine bad ideas from good: never apply something to your body that sounds like a comic book villain from the early 80s.

  • thatdoucheandrew

    When I shave my under my arms and, on occasion, my legs (yes, I'm a man and I shave those things) I just use a little electric beard trimmer. Even though that's not what it was designed to do it serves my purposes very well.

  • resulka

    Oh man, I'M HAVING HORROR FLASHBACKS TO THE EMJOI GENTLY…

    (There was nothing GENTLE about it)

    I have no idea how my sister used it for all those years, but one try and I will never ever again…

    You might also try shaving Horizontally I.e. in a Bathtub, Haven't cut myself once in that position.

  • venatus

    I hate to counter scarlet but that was always just an urban myth, infact mythbusters tested it and in there sample size red heads handled pain better.

  • cloud

    I have that exact same epilator, and to be honest I don't know where all these horror stories about ibuprofen and “hourly pain control” are coming from. Yes, it hurts, but once you've used it enough times it barely bothers you. Its summer time now so I use it very often, legs and underarms, and can't say it bothers me much.

  • Sarah

    I know it's late on the epilator bit, but I wanted to let you know that they are SO worth it when you get the hang of it. I'm used to mine now, and I seriously don't have to do anything to my legs for over a week, and when the hair does come back, it's so much more fine and soft than it is when you shave regularly. There's no stubble, only smoothness.

    You just scared yourself away too quickly. Start out on your shins. Get an ice pack, numb your skin for a while, then epilate a little. When it starts to hurt too much, numb again and then epilate again. Don't start out on a lot of hair–shave and then wait a day or two, so you just have a little hair. Then, keep doing this every few days until your body gets used to it. After a couple of weeks, it will be so easy it's like you're not even doing it. Seriously. Now when I use that thing on my legs, it feels like scratching an itch. I'm just now able to use it on my underarms without it hurting, and I've been doing it for several months.

    Don't give up! It's worth it!

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  • http://twitter.com/V4VGnet V4VG.net

    I tried it on my bikini line once… Worse. Idea. EVER!