Twenty Fourteen

Written by PushingUpRoses on January 1st, 2014

It is January 1st, which means HAPPY NEW YEAR, BITCHES.



Aww yeah;  The Golden Girls are so fucking metal.

2012.  Oh, 2012.  What a perfectly shitty year 2012 was.  It was probably one of the worst years I have ever had in my entire life.  Besides going completely crackers, I lost a lot of good friends [which in retrospect, were not good friends at all.  Or even good people.], had to take a hiatus from the internet and just from life in general, and I was just feeling very unhappy and alienated.  In the middle of 2012, I decided I had enough bull crap and focused all of my energy on bettering myself.  The end of 2012 began a new life for me, and that was the tone I set for 2013.

2013 was an amazing year.  There were some things that hurt, sure.  There were a few disappointments, sure.  But overall, I can’t even believe how many things turned around.  But I really shouldn’t say they turned around – things don’t just happen on their own.  And I am not one to believe in luck;  I believe in making things happen, no matter what the cost.  So things didn’t turn around;  I *turned* them around with a lot of hard work.  I don’t like waiting around for things to improve.  That’s what lead to such a shitty 2012 in the first place.  For the longest time, I was my own saboteur, and as much as I want to point fingers at other things and people that irritated my sanity, I was the one holding me back the most for even allowing those things to get to me.  Some things can’t be controlled, and THAT’S the truth.  But I needed to be the one to control my reactions.  So I learned to.   Some things still aren’t easy, but honestly, that’s just me.   Here are some things I’ve learned in 2013:  Adult life is a lot more complex than we would like it to be, and people become more complicated and hard to deal with as we get older.  Some people like to look at people who are experiencing drama in their lives, point a finger at them, and say, “God, this isn’t high school.”  Folks, don’t you let anyone say that bullshit to you. Drama, sadness, problems in your life… those are ongoing things that don’t begin nor do they end in high school.  And just because you are having problems doesn’t mean you are acting like a teenager, as the phrase would imply.  Accusing someone that is obviously struggling with internal problems of being dramatic isn’t benefiting anyone and isn’t a productive way to converse.  What I’ve learned over the year that has made me strong is when to recognize buzz words and buzz phrases that are only said to make the person on the other end of the conversation feel better or superior.  But realistically, sadness spans throughout our life, and nobody in their right mind should ever make anyone feel bad for simply being human.  For me, finding people that love and support me no matter what is what made 2013 a wonderful year.

Even though I left TGWTG, I still maintained a lot of friendships I had made from it.  And I am going to be completely candid;  leaving TGWTG and starting videos up again elsewhere was one of the hardest transitions I’ve ever had to make.  It is NOT easy to build up an audience again, and I have been challenged over and over again when it came to producing content and holding on to my audience.  Thankfully, I was able to grow substantially as a producer, and I am so happy to have met some really cool YouTube producers who made my transition a little bit more comfortable.  What viewers may not realize is how contained the viewership is when you are on TGWTG.  It’s a very small community when you think about how vast the internet really is, and leaving such a popular site where you are basically guaranteed hits, for YouTube, where there is absolutely no guarantee you will get anything at all, is extremely hard.  Hopefully, I will expand my viewership even more in 2014.

As I step into the new year and leave a year of healing, recovering, and learning new things about myself behind, I enter a year that has already started with a new job that I love and am appreciated at, a new parrot companion, new ideas for videos and better Let’s Plays, collaborations with well-known YouTube producers (and of course, old friends and colleagues as well), brand new tattoos, and a better grasp on my health.  I’ve made new best friends, reconnected with people I never thought I would, and continually overcome new obstacles.  And what makes things even brighter are the E-mails and comments I get from viewers and readers whom I’ve helped.  The reason I can be so candid online and be honest with some of my darker thoughts, videos, and artwork, is because I know that there will at least be one person that will be inspired by it.  And really, one person is enough.  The more the better, but if I can help one person in a really significant way, then I would say that that is a success.  I find myself to be a fairly dark person with a quirky sense of humor;  I am drawn to things like death (due partially to the death of my father), extreme body mods, and really depressing media.  But the way I contrast these things is by helping other people in any way I can.  Even if it just means saying something like, “Hey, you like weird, bloody artwork?  So do I.  Let’s hang and have a [insert beverage of your choice here.]”  Or, “Hey – let’s get septum piercings together.”

Success is not determined by how many academic degrees you have, or how many friends you have, or how much money your job pays.  Success is when you feel fulfilled by what you’ve done, even if those accomplishments are small.  So go out there and do great things.  Better your life.  Make up with your enemies (or kick them in the balls.  That works too), and tell your friends you love them.  Life is way too fucking short to take anything for granted.  Be open minded and kind to people, because if you don’t, I will kick you in the balls (again).

Now, let’s start this year right.  With PIZZA and MURDER, SHE WROTE.  Goddamn, I am so hardcore.


  • Ash

    you have helped me in the past, i wrote you a few times about it. you dont reply tho =(

  • PushingUpRoses

    I’m glad I was able to help you. :) I don’t get to all of my E-mails, unfortunately. I only have one E-mail account that everything goes too, so I get flooded with work E-mail, fan E-mail, family E-mail, and everything else. I do read all of them, and I try my best to respond to all of my social networking communications. :)

  • tyrporter

    Hey! you’re great! keep doing it! yay!

  • Segatron

    I’m glad you had an upswing this year. I don’t know what it was about 2012, but it seemed to be a rotten year for a lot of people, me included. But hey! We fought back, and we are standing on our feet again.
    Here’s to New beginnings and Dame Angela Lansbury!

  • dachauncinator

    I swear, everytime I read your blog post it’s like liquid inspiration, thanks, these are usually responsible for me actually nutting-up and finishing a project I’ve decided to let on the backburner because usually, I’m just grumping about, nudging the process of about 50 projects forward, because there’s so much to do, I just can’t focus!
    Happy passing of 1.2 decamonths!

    P.S. Heres some further ispiration:

  • PushingUpRoses

    Good luck with your future projects. :)

  • PushingUpRoses

    2012, man. The year of poop.

  • PushingUpRoses


  • Pally

    I look forward to more of your videos and more of your streams :)

  • Justin Tyler Southerland

    I’m the complete opposite, i am more attracted to light and life and the biggest body mod i do is cut my hair…and bout the only hardcore thing i do is put ranch dressing on my pizza…oh yeah i live on the edge.

    but there is one thing i can say, even though i haven’t been following your videos long (about 6 months or so) i can say they make me feel better than i did before i watched if nothing else by letting me indulge my darker-side i keep locked away.

    i look forward to 2014 and seeing what your videos have in store.


  • CreatureSH

    Hm, I commented on this before, but it seems to have disappeared. I hope I didn’t say something wrong.

  • PushingUpRoses

    Nope, it disappeared. I saw it pop up in my email, then when I went to reply, it was gone.

  • CreatureSH

    ah well, It’s all good if you got to read it. Won’t bother you beyond that. :)

  • sparky

    Cool post. Happy new year, and keep making awesome videos about awesome DOS-games like you do so well!

  • Non Disklosure

    Good post. :)

    Life is ‘high school.’ I hated high school: the clicks, the overwrought emotions, my classmates and etc. I couldn’t wait to leave. Sadly, when I left I realized that most
    people change little. Trolling the Facebook pages of former classmates is the
    best example. Frankly, when you are a materialistic dick at 16, you will be one
    for the rest of your life. The one big difference between high school and this
    world is that I am not forced to associate with these people. I can do my own
    thing and be ignored.

  • marasai

    I’m so glad to hear you’re still taking charge and moving forward. I’ve been sporadic with catching your videos, but when I remember too they’re always great. Here’s hoping I can turn around this year like you did last year.

  • PoisonousHydra

    Dear fans,

    This PushingUpRoses is actually quite the opposite of
    the advocate for freedom of speech, and reaching out to her fan base
    that she claims to be. She banned me from her Facebook for the simple
    act of posting a link to a search engine other than Google, who, through
    their ownership of Youtube, line her pockets. Just to save face with
    her fan base, she immediately posted this:

    “Guys – if I delete a comment, it’s simply because I don’t want it there.
    It’s not personal to anyone at all. On rare occasion, I don’t think a
    comment is appropriate. That doesn’t mean you get banned, and it doesn’t
    mean you can’t post links elsewhere (like your own personal facebook.) I
    treat this as a personal Facebook where I can engage with fans, but if I
    don’t think a comment relevant or could be caustic, I remove it. It’s
    not personal, and nobody should take it that way or blow up over it.
    This is just a Facebook thread, it’s not serious business, and it’s not a
    soapbox. Thanks.”

    Is that so? In that case, please explain to me
    why I am banned from your account. This woman is a hypocrite, and is
    contributing to the very bullying that she claims to have been a victim
    of in the past.

    Please take everything she says with a grain of salt.

    A concerned former fan.

  • PushingUpRoses

    Dear concerned fan,

    The reason your comment was removed was because I didn’t want any alarming or weird links on my Facebook page. The thread you were commenting on was not meant to be about Google or the problems of Google, and as a safety precaution, I don’t want unfamiliar links on there. Therefore, I didn’t deem it relevant. You asked me why, and I explained very reasonably why I removed it to you before even banning you. I had no intention of doing so until you threw a fit in multiple comments, and got very uppity with my loved ones. There’s no reason to blow up over one removed comment, and there’s no reason for you to be spamming my website. So the reason you were banned is because you were throwing a complete fit, disrespecting my loved one, and not accepting the fact that maybe I just didn’t want your one comment up there, instead of just emailing me, or speaking to me privately. If you want to speak, you are free to email me, and I’d be glad to explain further.

  • PushingUpRoses

    If you feel like you were banned unjustly, then absolutely email me and we can discuss it. But you have to be willing to actually speak to me one on one. If you email me, I’ll respond.

  • Ib Catelani

    Oh, the irony that this is the most recent post in 2015.